Semester Reflection

Did you achieve the learning objectives?

Looking back in hindsight allows me to be more aware of my actions the next time I am in a similar situation. Looking back this year I did see that I was able to develop my drafting process into something a little more productive. For such a big assignment that was the inquiry paper, we had to be ready for people to read our papers right in front of us not once but three times. This means that I need to come to class with something presentable, and then something better, and then something so good that it only needs to be tweaked every so slightly for it to be perfect. I felt a great shame, I’m talking pit in my stomach when I came to class on the first peer review day with nothing more than an outline. I was in the room with some really talented writers and I wasted it by only coming up with an outline. I was very shocked when the majority of kids didn’t have an outline, let alone an essay. It did make me feel a little better but that’s not what I choose to focus on. I was caught slipping, and it won’t happen again because I am not here to just talk about writing, I am here to write.

What else did you learn?

I learned to be more comfortable with listening. Growing up, nothing was worse than silence. It meant that literally, nobody knew the answer. Nobody includes me so now I’m just in a class sitting and staring at the teacher. I learned to just be a little bit of a filler in the class. If no one was particularly ecstatic about speaking I would raise my hand and answer very simple questions. I thought that the other students were just shy or wasting everyone’s time. Eventually, I started doing it for the wrong reasons. Instead of wanting to keep the classroom going, I started being a little annoying, it’s okay because I’m saying it, and I would answer every question even if other people wanted to too. Discussions were less of a discussion and instead a room with twenty-five or so walls for me to bounce my ideas off of. In my English and Spanish classes, I learned that sometimes waiting a minute or two could get me a totally different answer than I was about to say, and it could also present opportunities. Today, I was planning on presenting first, but Emily did. She gave an oscar worthy speech about an essay I would have been more than glad to peer review. By hearing her speak about it I got a little influenced and decided I needed to up my game. There’s no way I’m going up in front of the class and saying two measly sentences about my essay when I know it’s way more interesting than that. By listening instead of rushing to speak, I was able to hear what other people had to say, reassess myself, and improve.

What do you want to improve on?

I want to get better at recognizing rhetorical devices. I can see the big obvious ones like rhetorical questions, humor/fear appeal, and things like that. But some of the more niche ones are harder to pick out. It’s a good thing I bought a physical copy of the Rhetorical Devices book and not some digital access key that expires soon. Elevating my awareness of rhetorical devices means I will have greater control of my audience. As a future therapist, I will need greater control of my audience, but that’s a little ahead. For my Fall English class I hope to develop my skills in public speaking should we ever share in front of the class again. Today I noticed that I kept fidgeting with my bracelets. The vibes were super chill so I didn’t feel that my face was hot or that every action mattered but to me, from my perspective, playing with my bracelet was like when someone says “um” while giving a speech. A completely metaphorical punch to the face. I just needed something to do with my hands, I could’ve just held them or something. Looking forward, I can bring a single notecard and pretend I’m reading off of it, or at least bring a few talking points so I’m not just winging it. Preparing more for a show and tell and treating it like a speech would have given me more control over the situation, myself, and my audience. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when people are getting participation claps and wow that was so good claps but when you can tell it’s usually a bummer.

How was your writing process?

I remember this one from a writing prompt and my answer still hasn’t changed except for right now because of the urgency. If I’m home I like to shower then put on a dumb, and by dumb I mean it’s not in the current rotation of shows I’m watching so it doesn’t matter, movie while I type. The movie serves as a buffer against boredom. If I’m bored I just look every so slightly up for a few minutes, then write a few sentences. Can’t have writer’s block if you aren’t really writing. I learned that I actually do care about what other people think. Earlier I mentioned that I felt shame when I came to class with just an outline but I also felt it when I sent an unfinished essay to my friends. When I started polishing, more like power sanding, my second draft into my final one I realized how bad it was. Note to self: Do NOT turn an outline into an essay when you’re exhausted, just sleep. As I was fixing it I literally could not stop myself for the fear of my friends opening it and seeing how utterly disgusting it was. If I had submitted it you would have probably called me into your office hours and asked if I was okay or if I needed to chat about anything. That draft doesn’t exist anymore but the fact that I sent it out there means that I sent out work, an extension or representation of myself as a writer, out into the world before I should’ve. Moving forward I will be keeping the resource that is my friends. They actually wanted to read my work and I have no doubt that they still will in a few months. If I just make a draft they will have thoughts and I will be able to use them to succeed, symbiotically of course.

Any last thoughts?

Obviously, I’m like a little dramatic when I write so just take what I say with a grain of salt. I really like the idea of a writer having a voice. It sounds like something that does not happen but no, it does. To me this means that if you read this somewhere else you would be able to realize I’m the author because of the pattern of quirks in here. Reading my own work in the way that I write it is also very refreshing. For lack of a better word, it serves as a reinforcement of who I am as a writer. I don’t need to cut off parts of my writing to fit into an outdated box of what professionalism is. Kind of like that article you had us read where the author was writing how he spoke and it was very hard for a lot of us to get it in the beginning. To me, being exposed to the extremes build up a tolerance to the smaller stuff. I don’t think I would have been comfortable writing this in the way I did had I not written the This I No Longer Believe Essay in the way I was able to.